I’m here. I’m sober– well kind of. I drank a few glasses of wine a few hours ago. But, my mind is malleable, active in spite of those glasses of wine. I’ve spent the last three years of my life consumed by a substance that i’ve been obsessed with. I’ve been telling people, “it isn’t addictive, really”, not being supportive of friends of mine who have decided to quit it, treating it like it was a personality trait. Turns out, for me at least, marijuana in excess turned me off from the things I truly love. Turned me off from loving, writing, feeling.
I moved to a place where it isn’t a legal substance and had no choice but to separate myself from the substance– and I’ve… never felt better. Literally, i mean that. It’s like having the motivation I had when I was younger, but the insight of someone my own age, and hungry for life. I feel free of the grasps that clung to my mind, like, maybe I have a past that tends to creep up and haunt me, but instead of turning my entire psyche off, i’m really learning to work through those emotions. I feel powerful. I feel like myself. I feel amazing.
I want to write again, and I don’t mean crouching over my journal coughing out adjectives between hitting my vape pen. I mean really sitting down, typing it out, smiling and feeling inspired by the sound of my fingers dancing across my keyboard at midnight. Illustrating the feelings pouring out of me– and they’re positive now, less self-destructive, they’re feelings that are ready to teach me how to display the passion in my life. How incredible to feel alive and alert, to feel inspired.
It’s good to be back.
boosegumps 